Affective responsibility, or when “it’s not you, it’s me” contributes to the well-being of both after the breakup

The affective responsibility It consists of being responsible with the consequences of our actions with respect to the rest. A term that has become increasingly popular in society and on social networks, but which is not always deepened.

It is a way we have to act in what we consider how it influences other people what we do and say. It encompasses gestures, presence, communication of emotional states, expectations, explanations about acts…

In addition, affective responsibility is not something that one has or does not have – it is not an essence or ability. On the contrary, it is a way of behaving so you can learn or improve to get it.

[El amor en los tiempos de Tinder]

It is a difficult term to define, since there are no two people with the same stories, learnings, resources, conditions and experiences. Namely, no two couples are the same, so generalizing a feeling is out of our hands.

Affective responsibility is not synonymous with taking charge of the emotions of others, and it is that nothing happens if sometimes we prioritize the other. However, the experts explain, it is a problem when that becomes the usual way of operating, or when we do it from the obligation and not from the choice.

[No sé nada del amor]

@mentecolada Send this video to someone who needs to see it ❤️ #affective responsibility #empatia #psicologia #fyp #parati #emociones #amor❤️ #limitessanos #relacionsana #saludmental #terapia #psicologa #autoestima ♬ Steven Universe – L.Dre

Also, this responsibility is based on how we react to the emotions of others, validating emotions of the other person when they express them to us.

And that even if the balance between taking into account what others think and feel and what we think and feel, especially when we talk about romantic relationships, is complicated.

Keys to affective responsibility

To reach affective responsibility, assertive communication is necessary, a way of defending our needs, requests and rights without trampling on those of another person.

[Se nos rompió el amor]

It is a key element in affective responsibility because it allows us to reach common agreementstransfer expectations to the other, ask for forgiveness, or clarify situations to avoid conflicts.

@therobertawoodworth #therobertawoodworth #foryoupage #fyp #responsabilidadaffective #asertividad #psicologia #emociones #relaciones #tips #consejosdeamor ♬ original sound – TheRobertaWoodworth

Empathize, communicate and ask when something is not known or understood is the key when two people want to understand each other and heal their relationship. Because, sometimes, excessive dependency can lead to a toxicity that cancels out the other.

Therefore, it is necessary to identify these patterns to stop them. In this, communication, psychologists say, is key.

@flordegineco Let’s talk about affective responsibility 🥲❤️ #flordegineco #esi #affectiveresponsibility #gynecologist ♬ original sound – Flor Salort

Sometimes making decisions with the head and not with the heart can free us from situations that will be more painful in the long run. The RAE makes it clear that it defines separately the terms “want” like “to love, to have affection” and “needlike “having need of someone or something”.

If something must be made clear, psychologists say, it is that we are not emotionally responsible, but that we we behave responsibly with specific people at specific times.

[El amor, la verdad y la bondad]

Seeing it as a way of behaving allows us not to fall asleep if we feel identified with this concept, and to hope for change if we do not feel challenged by the concept.

Understanding it as a way of acting at all times and with each person and not as something global, abstract, that is part of our personality, allows us not to take it for granted, with the risk of failing to take care of it.

And it is that, if something is clear, it is that we depend on others, on our environment and on our community, and that is something that cannot be avoided. Therefore, the only thing left for us is to take care of each other so that at least that dependency moves within margins that are not harmful or toxic.

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