Léa, Nicolas, we say that you sleep little but if we combine all the micro-naps that you took when you received Le Drian or Frédérique Vidal, on the previous mandate, you slept as much as the brown bear when he hibernates . Politics was humming, but since Sunday, wow… But I’m stopping the series, Netflix is over, do we need Peaky Blinders, stories of gangs tearing each other apart, when at the Assembly we have 130 Nupes, 90 RN, in the same room as the Macroniens, with also, I remind you, Sandrine Rousseau. The Nicky Minaj of ecology, the Cardi B of wood chips, in 3 punchlines even Luchini she deconstructs it. You take her in debate on a TV set against Rachida Dati, the live switches to the TV team because it counts for the MMA championship. I’m sorry, I brought popcorn, since Sunday I’ve been eating it while watching the political news. I understand that you have resigned for next year, the little friends, because it’s going to be madness. Everything is going so fast, you realize that Amélie de Montchalin was minister for 28 days, it was Adecco who made her her contract. She was there, poof, she’s not there anymore, magic, it’s a pity that there is no longer the Grand Cabaret on the 2, because they took it in number with 3 rabbits. And then Elisabeth Borne, the little short-talking mother, basically, she didn’t come to cut the fat off with people of all other sensibilities, she’s over the age of doing Erasmus. And there, she finds herself having to talk to leftists, she saw what Laurence Ferrari would experience if she arrived here at the start of the school year, she would go from Europe 1 to Inter without going through the airlock, which is RTL. The first month she would speak only to Dominique Seux, rolled up in a ball.
But what a soap opera, I’m taking some popcorn again, Borne presents his resignation, Macron refuses it, you surprise me, there’s no one who wants the job anymore, there you offer it to Manuel Valls, he says to you “sorry, I’m at Pôle Emploi with Blanquer, we are looking for a real job”. Mélenchon wants him to create a single group of Nupes, the others answer “no thank you, it will be fine”, including Fabien Roussel, the communist. He was received by Macron like everyone else, he comes out, he balances everything, he says “Macron spoke to me about a government of national unity”, Sébastien Chenu of the RN just afterwards says “he doesn’t have one spoke to Marine Le Pen”, if it is, Macron proposed to Roussel to do this together, in this case, it is not called national union, but a date. Ah la la, I take the popcorn, because the day yesterday, we talk about it? These new stars who tumble, at the head of the LR group, Olivier Marleix, it’s like Bob Marley but who would live in Jamaica. Then Marine Le Pen who says “yes, Macron offered me national union”, so Chenu he hears voices, it’s the new Joan of Arc, and that, at the RN, is very well seen. Aurore Bergé is elected at the head of Renaissance, ex-LREM, there is also a leader for Horizons, the party of Edouard Philippe, whom Macron must absolutely keep by his side, I think he has already offered him 30 Smartboxes , a car, a Thai massage, Darmanin gave him hash for his grand-nephews.
Finally, I’m taking some popcorn, Macron who intervened yesterday at 8 p.m., he said to the opposition “tell me how far you are ready to go”, well say, it’s obvious that it’s spring , the rascal. I thought he was going to reconfine us, I bought PQ, pasta, finally I realize that all I need is popcorn. As popcorn, I took Baff, because I think it symbolizes what Macron has been going through since Sunday.