“He texted me that he was sorry for hurting me” | Relief

“Hava knows Chava… No one else.” He says the phrase with glassy eyes, Azucena Jimenez, wife of Jose Maria Jimenez, who, 20 years after his death, dared to speak in the documentary film “Hava. Urban cyclist”, created by Relevo and broadcast by Movistar Plus +, in which he admits I didn’t speak before “for fear of not knowing how to express what I feel”. Chava’s charisma, his way of winning big, at the most mythical heights, and the tragedy of his sudden and tragic death at the age of 32 while struggling to overcome depression, expanded the legend of the cyclist who won the hearts of people. Only he knows in detail what was going on in his head at every moment of his life, but probably no one would have gotten to know him as well, in good times and bad, as Azucena, the woman who has accompanied him since the moment he did jump to the pros. until he hung up his bike, married it, and tried to rebuild his best version as a person. “That was ‘his’ Azu,” says David Navas, one of Jimenez’s best friends in the platoon (and in life).

In the documentary, Azucena talks openly about the best and worst moments of Chava, whom she met more than 40 years ago. “It happened in the dumbest way in the world, but it was his day and my day. On Sundays there were matches between Pedro Bernardo (his city) and El Barraco (from Chava). Two of his friends missed the bus. them into the game “I was with friends. The game ended, we were eating something in the city canteen, and he came up to me and said that he noticed me at the game. I was 16 and he was 21.” He tells her his nickname (Chava, from Chabacano, as his grandfather was known), says that he is interested in cycling (Banesto has already got her), and she replies with youthful innocence: “Cyclist? But can you make a living from this?” This is where relationships begin this, despite the ups and downs, like any couple, kept them together until the end. “He was open, smiling… There were no sorrows with him,” applies.

“20 years have passed, but his memory and memory are still present in my heart. My heart hurts because he was such an important part of my life and him leaving so soon… it hurts.. When people tell me about him, I can’t find an adjective; I’m very pleased that people remember him. And this is more than emotions, it is pride. “I’m very proud to have met someone like Jose,” Azucena says. Her voice trembles at times, and the wide-ranging interview, which lasts more than two hours, requires two pauses due to the anguish she feels trying to find the man. the exact words to say. Determine how you still feel about the person with whom you shared some of the best years of your life. She was there in the worst moments when. together they tried to defeat this damn disease – depressionbut also in laughter, success and training.

The humorous aspect he always expressed towards the outside world gave way to another, more unknown to Chava in private. “Although he showed the phrase ‘Long live the virgin,’ that was not the case. He was hypersensitive… very sensitive.”. In Azu, he discovered that romantic side that few people allowed to see, but this did not stop him from enduring the pranks of the most mischievous Chava. He recalls one of the many jokes he played on him: “Back then it was common to drive up and down with the trunk open. Jose was in the back and I was driving. I see a motorist from the Guardia Civil approaching and I with the trunk open, thinking that he must leave. I looked back and Jose was gone. He stopped me and asked what to do with the open trunk. I told him no. I did not notice. The car was in Jose’s name and he said to me, “Is this Chava?” And I already told him that he was coming with me, but I didn’t know where he was. He saw the motorist and hid. .laughs. When the motorist recognized him, he did not fine us for the trunk. He had ideas…”

With nine victories at the Vuelta a España, Jiménez became a national idol, almost on par with other sports with large media coverage such as football, to the extent that It was the players who went to visit him. “One winter day we were watching a movie and the doorbell rang. I get up, open the door, and there are two boys at the entrance. One of them tells me:Is this Chava’s house? Can we see him? I answered who they were. He tells me: “I am Iker Casillas.”. I didn’t know him. I tell Jose that I was not at home, and he tells me that he is the goalkeeper of Real Madrid! Iker came to meet his idol. After that, he moved back home with his then-girlfriend and cousins. “We were very young, he was a very good boy and I have very fond memories.”

His way of running and, above all, his lifestyle have made him the most charismatic cyclist in the Spanish peloton. “I think he ran for his fans. I saved some of what he wrote for his fans and he expresses it very well. He ran for his fans,” Azucena recalls. The warmth of the crowd made him always show his best version at the Vuelta, where people waited for him with genuine enthusiasm.

However, despite a successful career, In 2001, something clicked in his head. After winning three stages of that year’s Vuelta, everything changed. in your mood in winter. “The Vuelta ended and I noticed that he had lost motivation. He told me he didn’t want to keep running. That winter he began to feel unwell.. I wanted to leave it. It was a very difficult winter for him. He has another year of contract with Banesto and talks to José Miguel Echavarri and tells him that he doesn’t feel motivated to continue, that he doesn’t feel well and that he needs to give up the bike. I didn’t know why, it’s just that “I was very disappointed and didn’t want to continue.”

Azucena recalls.

Months pass and Jimenez tries to start the season with his teammates, but at the first training camp of 2002 in Estepona, his legs want him, but his head says enough is enough. “At that time, there was no psychologist on the team. He didn’t know what was happening to him. Now we are talking about depression... When time passed and he saw that emotionally he had no strength to train and no motivation, he turned to psychologist Dr. Sherman. At least thanks to him we were able to understand what was happening to him. When you’re depressed… Who do you turn to? There were depressions in those days, but you didn’t know if you were depressed,” his wife says.

In 2002, Hawa was unable to return to professional cycling, and when the year ended, so did his contract with Banesto. Despite fighting with himself to recover mentally, he was also fighting to return to the peloton. “We went to Behar, to the Lale Cubino hotel. We have also been to Gran Canaria several times. The bicycle accompanied us everywhere. There was war, love-hate. This was what he dedicated his whole life to.“Azu says.

In the first months of 2003 opportunity to go to Relax Fuenlabrada with his friends Santi Blanco and David Navas. There is also the possibility of forming a team with Marco Pantani, who has also been struggling to feel like a cyclist again. “They tried, they trained together. But all this remained in dreams” “It could have been reality, but they were both so tired, especially psychologically, that it remained there, in a dream.”

In those first months 2003 Chava decides to park her bike permanently.. At this moment, surrounded by rumors about his personal life, a man from Avila is trying to recover from the depression he suffered. “It was being in bed and in the house, in bed and in the house. There was nothing more, day after day it was what. And above all, the desire to get well. He wrote me letters in which he said that he wanted to do good for me. And that he felt like he was hurting me. And he wanted to get well. This is what I wore. He was a very good and very sensitive person. And he felt very bad.”

In search of recovery, José Maria enters the San Miguel Clinic in Madrid, where he tries to find a solution to his problems. “Jose read it, saw that they were talking about him, and cried. He was in great pain because what he read was not what was said. I told him: “Why don’t you tell me that’s not true?” I have a thorn in my side and it’s the “dark life, bad life.” What a bad life, what a dark life. He had a problem, depression. But you are in a state of despondency and, moreover, you read that you have given up your bicycle to live the life, the dark life that you are leading. That you would want to go out and clear something up? He said, “What does anyone care if I suffer,” Azu says.

“It’s unfair that this image of him remains. It’s not fair. Because everyone makes mistakes and does things that maybe we shouldn’t do. But it’s not fair. Because he really was a child at 32 years old. He had a life ahead of him. This is very unfair,” his ex-wife says through tears.

On December 6, 2003, it became known that no one wants to read: “Hava has died.” “In the previous days, his teeth hurt. But that’s it. There was nothing wrong with him. There was no pain. I had a toothache for several days. We were told that he suffered a cerebral infarction.”Azucena recalls.

A tragic end that came too soon. “He did everything to be healthy and live. And he never lived on the run, never. He lived as best he could”Azucena says. Despite this, in the collective memory and about the woman who was with him until the end, there remains the enormous legacy that he left, both in sports and in personal terms: “I saw him cry because he didn’t disappoint his fans and the people who loved him. He wouldn’t believe how they continued to remember him. If he had listened to me, I would have told him that he deserves this and much more. a brave man and fighter. I want them to remember him as a normal, simple person from his Barraco. And a good athlete, the best for me. And, most importantly, a very good person. Who knows him, knows him. “I will remember this as long as I live.”