“I had times when I found it very difficult to feel Spanish” | Relief

Aauri Boquesa is from Madrid, pure Spanish, and has been defending the colors of the national flag for many years, first as a basketball player and then as an athlete. In fact, she was national champion in the 400 meters seven times. He also reached the international podium in both disciplines and wore the national Olympic tracksuit at the Tokyo Games. So he has an impeccable resume, but unfortunately Aauri will never be able to be as happy as you or I would probably be if we were in the same situation. She can’t because we didn’t let her. He can’t because every time he succeeds, he reads the comments, he gets asked questions, some malicious, others the result of ignorance, and some even due to the envy of people in similar circumstances. Aauri, already at the final stage of his career as an athlete, suffered from racism all his life, although in many cases he somatized it to such an extent that he came to the conclusion that everything was not as he sees it now. Reading and research made him think, as he told Quique Peinado in the latest edition of El Vestuario Relevo, among other topics. In the conversation that follows this introduction, one detail should be emphasized: there are statements that, just read, are disconcerting, but it is important that you know that Aauri’s tone throughout the conversation with Quique Peinado is very friendly, sweet, even sarcastic . . Perhaps this will provide even more insight into the inner journey that Aauri had to go through in her life.

You can see Quique Peinado’s full interview with Auri Boquesa in El Vestuario here.

Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. This is something I have learned over time, a concept that has been difficult for me to understand, and if we do not understand the people around us, it is very difficult for us to know how to behave and how to see the reality of what is happening. other. Your parents are from Guinea and Ecuador. They came here, I think it’s usually a difficult journey, and you grow up in a home where, for example, your parents host other people who also come from Africa and try to make a living here. What is it like to be the daughter of migrants, but also be Spanish and have a different skin color than most Spaniards like you?

Well, a big part of who I am comes from the situations that happened at home. I consider myself a privileged person to be able to grow up where you were born, if you were born into a family where your parents will do everything they can to help you get ahead, and on top of that they also help other people – that’s quite privileged . I realized that having parents is something very important. I shared an apartment because I have an older brother, but I grew up with five cousins ​​whose parents died in Guinea, so my parents took them in. You learn a lot, you learn to share, you learn to protect your space a little, you learn to help… there are a lot of things. Having a lot of people at home is great. On the other hand, there is the issue of the Spaniard growing up. I’m mostly Hispanic, afro and booby, but when you grow up and hear the typical insults like “black black woman, go to your country, etc” I often thought, “Where am I going? Where am I going?” “If I don’t know anything else.” The issue of identity for the children of migrants or people of mixed race in countries living in the diaspora is a very complex one, and you have to do some brutal soul-searching. The trip to Switzerland helped me a lot to complete this work. It was hard for me before… I had brutal times where it was very difficult for me to feel like I was Spanish because a lot of people made you feel like you weren’t Spanish.

But of course, as you can imagine, I represented Spain from the time I was a cadet until now. During all this time, I did not represent the country at international competitions for only two years, and most of these years It was very difficult for me when you go out onto the podium with the basketball players, with the Spanish flags… It was very difficult for me to be there, and often this happens not only because of white people that they don’t consider you Spanish. In fact, I’ve been very lucky because I’ve never encountered very severe situations of racism on the track, stadium or anywhere else. But, for example, Do you see when I do something important and appear in the newspaper? Comments about whether I’m Spanish or not. But madness Oh really.

It is today?

Yes, yes, they are not about whether I did well or not. They are from the city if I am a Spaniard from Cuenca. To be asked: “Where are you from?” You screwed me up. I say: “I’ll shit myself”: It’s like: “What do you want to know?”. And in general, I answer many times, sometimes I say that I am Spanish, sometimes I start talking about my life…

A question that is normal for another person means a need for you…

It’s annoying, really. And the problem, as I understand it, is that It’s not just white people who can say, “You’re not Hispanic because you’re black.”, but there are many migrants who are also annoyed that I say that I am Spanish, just like you deny, but no, I don’t deny anything. I don’t give up anything, proud to be black, proud to be boobie. It was actually a lot of fun, I took a DNA test to see if I was interested too. It turns out that I’m 60% from Nigeria and 20% from Kenya, which also gives me a lot to think about, right? But it’s difficult to constantly explain how you feel, who you are, and so on. So, I realized that your identity is created by you and only you, but it is a huge process.

And a lot of personal work

Yes Yes.

And I understand that there is a community of people of African descent with shared spaces where you can share your experiences and realize that your experiences are anchored, because of all the people I’ve talked to, what surprises me is that this is the same experience . I think when you open up and receive it, it also relaxes you a lot.

Yes Yes Yes. But even when I started reading, the turning point in this aspect for me was 2020, with the murder of George Floyd, when I already began to think a lot.

But in 2020 you were already 31 years old.

Yes of course.

I mean, you were kind of in limbo, right? It is very difficult for me to understand that I was born here with the “right” skin color, in the “right” place, the “right” gender, everything, my sexual identity is “right”. It’s very difficult to think about what a person’s life is like until they are thirty, the things I take for granted are not taken for granted.

Yes yes it is. And then it’s terrible, because you start to look at everything differently, you’re not the same anymore. And I’m talking about looking at a lot of people, even friends or partners, my partner and things like that…

Is your partner white?

Yes, he is white, he is Spanish, also from Salamanca and also all “correct” (laughs sarcastically). Of course, you are already a different person for them. Because? Because there are things that have not been done before… It was cruel. Until recently, when people asked me if I suffered from racism or sexism, I answered “no.” But the problem is that you didn’t think about it.. You haven’t stopped thinking about how you feel. People who love me have told me, “If you made a Spanish-language record, it wouldn’t be a Spanish-Spanish record.” Of course, then what would it be? No? And I can really understand what they mean.

Of course, but if Spanish is not Spanish, then it is not African… what is it? The question is what it is. This is very difficult for me. I think there must be pain there. That when you understand the whole process that is happening to you, it seems like a super complex thing, super difficult to do and very rewarding to know how to do it, share it, structure it and think it through.

But it’s a lot of work, right? And then, what will I tell you, when you start reading more, getting to know yourself, you make friends as a result of sharing experiences. Therefore, the experience of Afro-Hispanics is not the same as the experience of African Americans. Even with “The Lucky Bunny” (a reference to a song kids sing at school)… Nobody kissed me when we played Lucky Bunny. “Of course, as a black woman, like this”… no one kissed me because I was black, because there were no such people. It’s obviously not the same now because there are many more non-white kids in some schools. Not in all of them, obviously. But the experience of being the son of an immigrant, now ten years old, is not what I lived through.

But do you feel part of the community now? So you see the Williams brothers winning a game against Athletic and think you’re part of the same thing?

I am this I don’t know if I can say it. If there was at least a national team match and the like, when I was little, at home we would go where there were the most black people.. Of course it’s logical. Like, who are you going with? Where are the black people? Here are two. There are none here. Well, who am I going with, right? Today, obviously, I see more black athletes or people of color, in my case black, doing important things. In that sense, what they did in Madrid with “Espacio Afro”: holding events, talking about things, sharing, healing, etc., is very cool for the community. It’s cruel, it’s cruel.

And there’s one more thing I have to ask you. As a European who gave me an identity, I think of an Austrian, a Slovenian, and they seem completely foreign to me. Europe as a continent. As for Africa, of course, I think it’s very difficult for us to understand that we think that Africa is one thing, right? A person from Chad, a person from Guinea, a person from Ethiopia – these are people with different realities, but nevertheless, I see a sense of Africa as an identity among the people I spoke to. For example, when you think about Africa, what does it mean to you?

I believe that today, here in Spain, these Afro-feelings are becoming stronger, but one of the problems that existed or exists in post-colonial Africa is that there is also a lot of tribalism there. We must continue to strengthen the Afro identity in order to continue to grow and move forward. My case is very curious because I was born Spanish.

Of course, he is from Guinea, he had Spanish citizenship.

It’s very hard. Equatorial Guinea did not exist, it was not a country, then they came up with the idea that it was Equatorial Guinea. I’ve never been, to this day, that’s another matter for another time.

I also want to talk about this: for people who find it a little difficult to get to know the country, it seems that there is a difficult moment here.

There is a difficult moment, in my case, at the political level. My father is not a desirable person because he has been involved in politics for many years against the longest dictatorship in Africa. My parents are from Equatorial Guinea, I’m obviously part Guinean, but Equatorial Guinea didn’t exist before, I haven’t been there. So obviously I’m an Afro first and foremost. Then a lot of people ask me, “Why do you always say you’re a boobie?” Let me build my own identity. For example, I feel worse in this sense when non-white people judge me. If a white man says to me: “Go to your country, I don’t know where, I don’t know how much, you’re not Spanish,” I take it well, within the limits of what that entails.

It sounds like you are talking about going to Benidorm on holiday.

No, but get me, I carry it well inside because it’s what I grew up with. But when you see someone who has the same skin color as you, or who may also have an experience because his family migrated, and he thinks you’re in denial, that’s enough for me.