Is it possible to heal the wound of loneliness? – Health and wellness

Healing childhood wounds is a difficult and indirect path. However, by developing greater self-confidence and reappraising loneliness, significant progress can be made in this healing process.

Overcoming the wound of loneliness is like a journey of self-discovery. There is no magic formula, but the possibility of healing is real. It is a process that involves accepting your emotions, overcoming limiting beliefs, and breaking dysfunctional behavior patterns.

In this reading, we will explore the origins of this emotional experience, identify the signs to detect it, and offer psychological recommendations to prevent it from damaging your adult life.

¿What is the wound of abandonment?
This is one of the childhood traumas that Lisa Bordo has studied; It appears as a mark resulting from one or more intense or traumatic childhood experiences. These are situations for which, due to their heavy workload, we were not able to adequately prepare.

Although they begin in childhood, they accompany us beyond it. A painful emotional experience is comparable to trauma to the soul. It is a deep emotional scar that lasts over time and affects the decisions we make as adults, often resulting in negative consequences for us.

In the case of abandonment harm, it occurs when a child feels that he or she has been left alone or neglected, whether on a physical or emotional level. It is important to note that it may be due to a real and objective failure or be a product of subjective interpretation.

Signs of neglect in childhood
Although each person who experienced emotional neglect as a child is unique, they share common patterns of response to the experience that continue into adulthood. These are people who typically show signs such as the following:

They develop bonds of emotional dependence.
They excessively seek external approval.
They experience problems with self-esteem and self-confidence.
They feel deeply helpless and undeserving.
They tend to give up on personal projects prematurely.
They exhibit mistrust and difficulty opening themselves up to others emotionally.
They sabotage their relationships by breaking them off for no apparent reason, out of fear of feeling the pain of abandonment.
They demonstrate a tendency to self-destruct, boycotting their own opportunities for success and happiness.
They tend to be overly accommodating with others and have difficulty setting boundaries, even to the detriment of their own well-being.

Consequences of emotional abandonment: the mask of dependence
According to work published in the journal Revista de Psicologia, if someone experiences this emotional wound, there will be a change in their emotionality as a consequence, and it is likely that they will grow up thinking that they are not worth or deserving of love. This leads to feelings of vulnerability and the development of tendencies such as fear of abandonment.

Following Bordo’s ideas, people create a “mask” in response to each emotional wound with the intention of protecting themselves when that trauma resurfaces in the present. However, this protection tends to be an illusion.

The mask of those who carry the wound of being abandoned is emotional dependence. Since their greatest fear is loneliness, they desperately cling to others to escape the pangs of loneliness. However, despite their best efforts, they never feel like they are getting enough love or attention, which fuels an insatiable emotional need and increases dependency.

¿How to heal the wound of loneliness?
Dealing with the consequences of rejection is not easy, but it is not impossible. To begin with, it is important to understand that this does not mean erasing your past, but rather preventing it from continuing to affect you. It is important to give yourself permission to feel without judging or blaming yourself. The rule here is to be your own ally, not your own worst critic.

Of course: you need to take a direct look at those fears that lurk in the shadows and challenge those beliefs that may be holding you back. Let’s look at some psychological strategies that can help you in this process.

1. Acknowledge and accept the wound
The path to healing begins with awareness. Recognizing wounding as part of your story can be difficult and painful. However, it is also an important step towards recovery.

It’s not about defining yourself by it or believing that it will define your future, but rather understanding that by taking responsibility, you have the power to influence how it affects your life and how to work to fix it.

2. Strengthen your self-confidence

Developing and strengthening self-confidence is key to counteracting the effects of the wound of loneliness. When you realize that your worth does not depend on what others think of you, but on your own perception, everything changes.

In this sense, working on recognizing your personal strengths and accomplishments will help you build a strong foundation for your self-esteem, thereby reducing your vulnerability to the fear of emotional loneliness.

3. Cultivate independence
Being independent doesn’t mean distancing yourself from people or always going it alone. It rather means the ability to make decisions without depending entirely on others. The key is to find a balance between being self-sufficient and asking for help when you need it.

4. Get rid of the fear of saying no.
How many times do you ignore your needs just to avoid embarrassing others? How often do you lose sight of your own desires in favor of the desires of others?

One strategy you should consider to correct emotional loneliness is to start setting boundaries in your relationships. By assertively communicating what you want and need, you take important steps toward building more equal and fulfilling relationships.

5. Re-evaluate loneliness
Learning to enjoy moments alone can transform the perception of loneliness into an enriching experience, or at least something less disastrous than it may seem.

When you can enjoy your own company, you don’t have to cling to people or situations to avoid feeling lonely. It is not necessary to isolate yourself and separate yourself from the world. Re-evaluating loneliness is to stop seeing it as a terrifying monster.

The importance of therapy for the healing process
There is no denying that psychotherapy plays a very important role in healing emotional wounds. Several clinical approaches are valuable in such circumstances, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and EMDR therapy, which is recognized for its effectiveness in treating trauma.

Regardless of the type of approach, a competent and trained psychologist provides a safe space to explore how the wound of loneliness is affecting you and offers specific tools for addressing related issues.

You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you feel it is necessary, seek help from a therapist and take the opportunity to openly express your emotions, fears and thoughts.
The mind is beautiful