Coping with dementia in a relationship: What you need to know
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Following the recent release of the acclaimed drama film Memento, attention is now turning to the impact of dementia on relationships. received a standing ovation at its Venice Film Festival premiere back in September.
Directed by Michel Franco and starring Jessica Chastain and Peter Sarsgaard, the film explores the unlikely connection between Sylvia and Saul, the latter battling early onset dementia when they meet.
In an interview with DiversitySarsgaard said the character was inspired by his uncle. “My uncle had early onset dementia. It’s very difficult to imagine dementia in a person my age,” he said. “I also saw how in a lot of other portrayals of dementia that I’d seen, it wasn’t like what I knew, and the guy I knew… I thought it was a great opportunity to play someone who has has an illness, but just wants positivity with everyone at any given time.”
Because Memory resonates with audiences, it serves as a catalyst for conversation about the emotional situation couples experience when one partner is diagnosed with dementia.
The number of people living with dementia in Canada is expected to increase by 187 per cent from 2020 to 2050, a report released Monday said. diagnosis before age 65 years.
Yahoo Canada spoke with Natasha Jacobs, advisory group leader for the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada, about what Canadians can expect when their partner is diagnosed with dementia and how to cope.
How does dementia affect a person’s behavior?
Dementia is an umbrella term that describes a set of symptoms caused by disorders affecting the brain. Although there are many diseases that can cause dementia, the most common is Alzheimer’s disease.
Some common symptoms of dementia include:
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memory loss, short and long term
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difficulty thinking
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difficulties in solving problems
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changes in mood or behavior
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disorientation
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delusions and hallucinations
According to expert Jacobs, one of the noticeable effects of dementia is differences in language and consciousness. “Finding the words is sometimes very difficult,” she explained, “even knowing what time of day it is, for example, can be very difficult.”
How does dementia affect the partner of a diagnosed person?
The effects of dementia can impair the emotional well-being of both partners when one is diagnosed. Changes in mood and behavior can be difficult to cope with in romantic relationships, according to expert Jacobs.
“Obviously, your partner may be very different from what you’re used to, and your conversation—the pace and how you communicate with each other—will change.”
Even things that seem insignificant can lead to disappointment. “Not knowing if it’s night or day, sleeping much longer, or not knowing that you need to wake up and get dressed, and then your partner having to help you with those things or remind you of those things, is really difficult.”
Can you maintain an emotional and physical connection with dementia?
Daily rituals such as walks and intimate dinners at home become important for maintaining emotional and physical connections when it comes to dementia.
Jacobs said it’s definitely possible and it’s about “continuing to care for the person they still are and who they once were.” She explained that it is about moving forward with love and care.
I have seen time and time again that many things can disappear with dementia, but I have always seen love come through.Natasha Jacobs
The Alzheimer’s Society of Canada explained that dementia “does not change the need for love and affection” but can affect a person’s interest in sex. It’s important to talk to your partner about this, especially in the early stages of dementia.
“People with dementia can continue to have a healthy sex life with their partner for many years,” the agency explained, emphasizing the need for openness. “Changes in the relationship and sexual needs of both the person with dementia and their partner can cause fear, confusion, anxiety, embarrassment and sadness.”
The caregiver partner’s needs may also change as they adjust to the new dynamic, and they may feel guilty. This is why communication as early as possible is key.
“Partners who wish to be intimate can continue to do so with mutual agreement and understanding that the way they express intimacy may change as dementia progresses. Often it is not about stopping sexual activity, but about finding other ways to express intimacy. “The Alzheimer’s Society of Canada explained.
Additional resources on intimacy in dementia are available online.
What can you do if your partner is diagnosed?
In addition to talking about sensitive topics like sex, Jacobs advised talking about everything early in the diagnosis, from tasks like cooking to long-term care plans.
Some key strategies for helping your partner may include:
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Use of visual aids (visible clocks, calendars for daily awareness)
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Decluttering (helps deal with clutter)
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Establish a daily routine (eg daily walks)
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Use technology (set alarms or use voice assistants such as Siri)
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Replace intimate events with action-packed events (such as a romantic dinner at home).
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Plan for the future (early talks about changing roles and creating a care team)
It’s also important to talk about how to move forward as dementia progresses. “You could talk to a social worker to put together a care team so that when the time comes, you are well supported and well educated.”
You are not alone. Many people try to find different ways to show love to their partner.Natasha Jacobs
When partners become caregivers, Jacobs says there are a wide range of support systems available in Canada.
Jacobs’ important advice is also to “take care of yourself as a carer for someone with dementia.” Making time for yourself is key to having “the strength and clarity to love your partner,” she explained.
The Alzheimer’s Society of Canada has a long list of resources available on what to expect with dementia, how to manage certain behaviors and more for caregivers and those living with dementia.
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