To the glee of the yellow press, Harry the English prince in exile in California is getting even. After a juicy interview with Oprah, the documentary series with his wife Meghan Markle in which he elaborates on his life and his experiences, he has just published his memoir “In the Shadow”. It is possible that most if not all of what he relates is true. However, what is his intention in doing so? Maybe it’s settling scores with his father and his brother. Perhaps it is emphasizing the colonial and racist roots of the British empire. Maybe he wants to show the world who he really is. Perhaps his intention is to put himself in the spotlight, thus turning his book and his other products into best-selling phenomena. There’s no way to know for sure. Following his manner, there is something he surely isn’t looking for: peace of mind.
What cultural and social value do we place on peace of mind? little bit. However, peace of mind is essential because it is what allows us to be comfortable in our skin and cultivate healthy relationships. Peace of mind allows us to concentrate. Peace of mind allows us to navigate the ups and downs of life without being washed away.
On the other hand, saying what one thinks often makes things worse. Talking complicates our existence because in an overwhelming majority of the time, our perceptions are biased. So even though we believe we communicate the truth, we don’t. In this way, with our biased sharing and negative emotional charge, we generate more conflict than existed before, in a chain of action-reaction with unforeseeable consequences.
Henry, Duke of Sussex, follows the funeral procession during the funeral of his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II.EP
Another drawback to taking things out of the past and removing them in public is that by doing so we remain tied to the past. If you keep things from the past, airing it to the people you hold responsible for it does not free you, but often does the opposite: it reinforces your feeling of victimization.
There is no infallible recipe for knowing what is appropriate at any given moment, whether to speak up and put your rags out in the sun or keep quiet and opt for inner work. From my experience as a coach, what I attest is that inner work is always recommended. I eat? Well, writing it in a diary, with coaching sessions, doing art therapy… Considering the filter of the three doors can also help you. During the process, you may decide that you no longer need to share it with others. And if you still decide to do it, you will do it from a more focused and less reactive space, which is always favorable.
Before sharing or airing something thorny, consider your peace of mind and the possibility of doing inner work. Above all, don’t be inspired by Prince Harry.
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